Monogamy Isn’t Morally Superior—And Now We Have the Data to Prove It
For years, people in consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships—polyamorous, open, relationship anarchist, or otherwise—have been asked to explain themselves.
“Isn’t that just cheating?”
“Don’t you get jealous?”
“Don’t you want something real?”
The unspoken assumption has always been that monogamy is the gold standard. That love means exclusivity, and that anything outside of that must be either a phase, a trauma response, or a slow-motion disaster.
But a new meta-analysis published in the Journal of Sex Research has officially put that tired trope to rest. Pooling data from 35 studies involving over 24,000 participants, researchers found no significant differences in relationship satisfaction between monogamous and consensually non-monogamous people (Moors et al., 2025). Sexual satisfaction was also equivalent across the board.
In other words: non-monogamy is just as emotionally and sexually fulfilling as monogamy—for those who choose it intentionally and consensually.
Why This Matters (and Who It Liberates)
This isn’t just a win for polyamorous people—it’s a win for relational autonomy. Because when we de-centre the idea that one relationship model fits all, we start creating space for people to ask real questions:
What do I want from intimacy?
How do I define commitment?
What kinds of support, structure, and freedom do I need to thrive?
This kind of relational self-determination is especially vital for people who have been historically shut out of mainstream models—queer folks, disabled people, sex workers, neurodivergent individuals, and those who’ve never felt at home inside the default scripts.
For many, non-monogamy is not about "more sex." It’s about more honesty, more fluidity, more room to breathe.
Relationship Satisfaction Is Not About Structure—It’s About Fit
The researchers found that satisfaction wasn’t determined by whether someone was monogamous or not—but whether their relationship model aligned with their values, desires, and needs. What mattered most was communication, mutual agreement, emotional safety, and shared understanding.
This aligns with what many of us already know from therapy work: the real damage happens not from non-monogamy itself, but from secrecy, coercion, shame, and poor boundaries—none of which are exclusive to any structure.
In fact, non-monogamy often demands a higher level of emotional intelligence, communication, and negotiation. That’s not dysfunction—it’s maturity.
Mononormativity Is a Social Script, Not a Universal Truth
Monogamy is often treated as neutral—the normal way to do relationships. But it’s not neutral. It’s a cultural construct shaped by patriarchy, colonialism, capitalism, and heteronormativity.
We’ve been sold a narrow story: one partner, forever, in one household, doing emotional labour, unpaid care, and reproduction under one roof. But that structure doesn’t work—or feel good—for everyone.
To pretend otherwise is to invalidate the millions of people who are building deeply loving, ethical, supportive relationships outside of that script.
Let’s Be Clear: This Isn’t About Monogamy vs. Polyamory
This isn’t a contest. If monogamy works for you—amazing. What this research tells us is that your model isn’t inherently better, more real, or more loving than someone else’s. It’s not superior—it’s just yours.
Let’s stop using relationship structure as a proxy for morality, worth, or success.
A Therapist’s Take
Therapeutically, this data is crucial. It empowers us to:
Validate CNM clients without pathologising them
Avoid assuming monogamy as the default in assessments
Explore relationship structure as part of identity, values, and choice—not just as symptom or deviation
Recognise that attachment styles, trauma histories, and emotional needs can play out differently in non-traditional relational frameworks—and that’s okay
We need more relationship-affirming therapy. Not just couple-affirming, but plural-affirming, autonomy-affirming, and consent-literate.
References
Moors, A.C., et al. (2025). Relationship and Sexual Satisfaction in Consensually Non-Monogamous vs Monogamous Relationships: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Sex Research, 62(3), pp. 345–364.